Your Nervous System Needs More Than “Just Calm Down” during Chronic Stress

There is a particular kind of advice that gets thrown around when life gets stressful that makes me a little cranky.

Just relax. Take a couple of deep breaths. Focus on gratitude. Let's reframe that.

Listen Linda....If it were that simple, I’m pretty sure none of us would be walking around with our shoulders permanently attached to our ears.

Short-lived and manageable stress is a normal part of being alive. It can actually be incredibly beneficial to you. But when life decides to pile one thing on top of another until your nervous system is basically standing in the corner screaming, “ARE WE DONE YET?” chronic stress has officially entered the chat.

This is where herbs can be incredibly useful because unmanaged, chronic stress is a silent killer. It is the thing that makes you snap at your kids for no reason. It is the piece of the puzzle that can lead to an ER trip thinking you're having a heart attack when it's really a panic attack. It's the burnout that leaves you spending weekends in bed doomscrolling so you can pretend to be okay come Monday.

That's not living. That's survival.

The good news? You don't have to live that way forever. Supporting your body during periods of stress can give it the resources it needs to do what it already knows how to do: adapt, recover, and build resilience.

And that is where nervines, anxiolytic herbs, and adaptogens come into the picture. Not because herbs are magic. Not because you can take something and suddenly become an enlightened human who never gets irritated in traffic again. But because these bad boys are scientifically backed, we know how they support the body.

Nervines, Anxiolytics, and Adaptogens: What the Hell Is the Difference?

Let's start with the basics.

Nervines are herbs that support the nervous system. Some are calming, some are more restorative, and some can help take the edge off when your nervous system is overstimulated. Think herbs like lemon balm, chamomile, lavender, passionflower, skullcap, and oat tops.

Then we have anxiolytics, which is a fancy-ass word for substances that can help reduce feelings of anxiety and nervous tension. These guys are one of my favorite categories of herbs. Many nervines can have anxiolytic effects, which is why you will often see these categories overlap. Passionflower, lemon balm, lavender, chamomile, and kava (no, I did not copy and paste here!) are examples of herbs or botanicals that have been studied for anxiolytic effects.

We'll talk about essential oils that fall into these two categories here in a minute.

And then there are adaptogens.

Adaptogens are a little different. Rather than simply trying to calm you down, they are generally used to help the body adapt to stress and maintain balance when the demands being placed on it are high. Some commonly used adaptogens include Withania somnifera (ashwagandha), Rhodiola rosea, Eleutherococcus senticosus (eleuthero), and holy basil (Ocimum tenuiflorum).

These categories aren't completely separate little boxes. Because apparently biology didn't get the memo that humans really like neat little categories. Plants are complicated. Bodies are complicated. And one plant can have multiple actions. But not all bodies like a specific herb, which is why I will forever be grateful that there are so many to choose from. I will never get tired of the incredible synergy that happens when a blend is created specifically for a person's body and situation.

Which leads me to my next point...

Why Combine Them?

Chronic stress doesn't politely knock on one door and wait for you to answer. It affects the nervous system, sleep, digestion, energy, mood, focus, hormones, and so much more. It likes to send a demand letter to every system in the body that essentially tells them to act a fool. It's time to riot....or party...maybe we just need to dance more? That's a conversation for a different day, but please, actually dance more.

When we combine herbs that support different aspects of the body's stress response, we have the opportunity to meet the body where it is being affected most. An adaptogen may provide broader support for the body's ability to adapt to ongoing stress, while nervines and anxiolytic herbs can offer additional support for a nervous system that is feeling overstimulated or stuck in high alert.

And this is where I think the real magic of herbalism lives—not in finding the one perfect herb, but in understanding how plants can work together to support the whole damn system.

Because sometimes the goal isn't to push through the stress. Sometimes the goal is to give your body enough support that it can finally start settling some of those systems that have been stuck in overdrive.

When we can begin settling those areas, we can actually start to see what else needs our attention.

That matters because a body stuck in chronic stress doesn't have a whole lot of interest in self-reflection and personal growth. It's busy trying to survive.

Creating enough support to move toward rest-and-digest creates much-needed space.

Space to breathe.

Space to think.

Space to notice what isn't working.

Space to figure out what needs to change.

And that is where real change can begin. We aren't using herbs to avoid the hard things. We're using them as one tool to help create the physiological space we need to actually face those hard things—and decide what we're going to do about them.

It's not about knocking yourself out. It's about giving your body some backup. And sometimes your body needs backup.

Don't Forget About Aromatherapy

Herbal support doesn't always have to come in a bottle that you drink. Our sense of smell has a direct relationship with the brain and nervous system, which is one reason aromatherapy can be such a useful tool for creating a moment of pause. Studies have even shown that when essential oils are taken in through the olfactory system it can show up in bloodwork in as little as 15 minutes. That's WAY faster support than any ingestible herbal remedy.

Essential oils such as lavender, bergamot, ylang ylang, frankincense, sweet orange, and Roman chamomile are commonly used in aromatherapy for relaxation and emotional support.

And this is exactly where my essential oil inhalers come in.

They're small, portable, and don't require you to stop your entire life and go sit in a bathtub surrounded by candles while listening to whale sounds. Sometimes self-care is a bath. But sometimes it's needing to take three damn breaths in the school pickup line that packs the kind of punch that will get through the rest of the day without that punch being our grandmother's little helpers.

Supporting Yourself Through Stress Builds Resilience

Here's the part I really want you to understand:

Supporting yourself during stressful times isn't weakness.

You struggling to handle the 501 things being thrown at you all at one time is not weakness.

It isn't cheating to need help. It isn't admitting that you can't handle life. It is actually part of learning how to handle life better. When we continually push ourselves past our limits without giving our bodies an opportunity to recover, we're not becoming stronger. We're asking the body to keep performing without replenishing the resources it needs.

That's not resilience. That's depletion with a motivational quote slapped on it.

Resilience isn't never getting stressed. Resilience is being able to move through stress, recover from it, learn from it, and continue forward. And sometimes that means giving your body additional support while you're in the middle of it. Maybe that's herbs. Maybe it's an essential oil inhaler. Maybe it's going to bed instead of scrolling until midnight. Maybe it's eating an actual meal instead of calling coffee breakfast. Maybe it's finally saying no to something you absolutely do not have the capacity for.

Probably some combination of all of the above.

And This Brings Us Right Back to Self-Care

Because here's the thing about self-care that gets completely lost in the bubble-bath-and-face-mask version of the conversation:

Self-care gives you space.

Space changes things. When you're constantly operating at your absolute limit, you don't have much room to think about what you actually want your life to look like. You're reacting. You're putting out fires. You're surviving the day.

But when you begin supporting your body and nervous system—when you give yourself even a little more breathing room—you create the space to make different choices. You can start asking:

What isn't working anymore?

What do I actually want?

What needs to change?

What am I willing to do differently?

And maybe most importantly:

What would make my life fit me better?

That's the part of self-care I care about. Not escaping your life.

Creating enough space to actually change it.

Because the most important thing you can do for yourself isn't to completely overhaul your life overnight. It's to support your body enough that you can stop running on fumes long enough to figure out what the next right step actually is.

And that is where herbs, aromatherapy, movement, rest, nourishment, boundaries, and all those other pieces of self-care start working together. They're not the destination. They're the support system that helps you get there.

So if you're in a particularly stressful season right now, maybe you don't need to become a completely different person. Maybe you need to give the person you already are a little more support. Your nervous system deserves that. Your body deserves that. And honestly?

So do you.

With love,